School Improvement in Maryland

Public Release Item: Public Release items have appeared on HSA forms and then are released for public viewing and use. Releasing items is one step to ensuring that schools, districts, and other stakeholders understand how the core learning goals are assessed on the HSA.

Goal 2 Composing in a Variety of Modes

Expectation 2.2 The student will compose texts using the prewriting, drafting, revising, and editing strategies of effective writers and speakers.

Indicator 2.2.3 The student will revise and edit texts for clarity, completeness, and effectiveness.

Assessment Limits:

  • Completing or expanding ideas
    • logical coordination of ideas
    • subordination to replace excessive coordination
    • logical or succinct subordination
    • subordination to show space or time, cause or effect, condition, or concession
    • sequence of ideas in a sentence for effectiveness and emphasis
    • conciseness (eliminating redundancy, superfluous words and phrases, and awkward constructions)
  • Attending to audience
    • elaboration or support sentences
    • transitional devices between sentences and paragraphs
    • coherence (focusing on a central idea)
    • clear connectors
    • word choice
    • inverted word order for effectiveness
  • Controlling language structures
    • clear placement of modifiers
    • shifts in person, number, and tone
    • misplaced and dangling modifiers

Selected Response Item - Released in 2005

Read the student-written paragraph about Plants Used as Medicine. The paragraph requires revisions and edits. After reading, answer the following question.

Which of these is the best way to revise Sentence 2 to make it a clear and effective sentence?

  1. Native people use certain tropical plants found in rain forests to treat pain, infections, burns, and ailments.
  2. Treating pain, infections, burns, and ailments with certain tropical plants, native people are found in rain forests.
  3. Certain tropical plants are used by native people to treat pain, infections, burns, and ailments, which are found in rain forests.
  4. Found in rain forests are certain tropical plants used for treating pain, infections, burns, and ailments by native people.
/share/clg/xml/public_release/english/2005_223_eng25.xml

Correct Answer:
A

Selected Response Item - Released in 2005

Read the underlined sentence. Then choose the clearest and most effective revision of the sentence.

I was excited when I saw myself on the six o'clock news, and I called all my friends, and they turned on their televisions.

  1. Excited, I called my friends, and when I saw myself on the six o'clock news, they turned on their televisions.
  2. Excited, I saw myself on the six o'clock news, and I called my friends, and they turned on their televisions.
  3. Excited, I called my friends to tell them to turn on their televisions when I saw myself on the six o'clock news.
  4. Excited, I saw myself, and I called my friends to tell them to turn on their televisions when I was on the six o'clock news.
/share/clg/xml/public_release/english/2005_223_eng44.xml

Correct Answer:
C

Selected Response Item - Released in 2005

Read the underlined sentence. Then choose the clearest and most effective revision of the sentence.

The humpback whale population of the Pacific Ocean, as a result of protective measures, has increased, even though it remains an endangered species.

  1. As a result of increasing protective measures, the humpback whale population of the Pacific Ocean remains an endangered species.
  2. As a result of remaining an endangered species, protective measures have increased the population of the humpback whale in the Pacific Ocean.
  3. As a result of the humpback whale population increasing through protective measures, it remains an endangered species of the Pacific Ocean.
  4. As a result of protective measures, the humpback whale population of the Pacific Ocean has increased, yet the humpback remains an endangered species.
/share/clg/xml/public_release/english/2005_223_eng45.xml

Correct Answer:
D

Selected Response Item - Released in 2005

Yuri is writing an article for the school paper about science in the classroom. The draft of Yuri's article requires revisions and edits. Read the draft. Then answer Numbers 2 through 6.

Yuri is writing an article for the school paper about science in the classroom. The draft of Yuri's article requires revisions and edits. Read the draft. Then answer the following.

Which of these is the clearest and most effective way to revise Sentence 6?

  1. According to ancient myths, Jason was the first great explorer to sail the seas.
  2. The first great explorer to sail the seas was the subject of ancient myths, and his name was Jason.
  3. Being the first great explorer, Jason, he sailed the seas according to ancient myths.
  4. Jason, according to ancient myths, was the first great explorer to sail the seas and explore them too.
/share/clg/xml/public_release/english/2005_223_eng02.xml

Correct Answer:
A

Selected Response Item - Released in 2006

Miriam is writing a draft of an essay about the SS Central America, a ship that sank in 1857. The draft of Miriam's essay requires revisions and edits. Read the draft. Then answer Numbers 2 through 6.

Miriam is writing a draft of an essay about the SS Central America, a ship that sank in 1857. The draft of Miriam's essay requires revisions and edits. Read the draft. Then answer the following:

Which sentence would make the best transition between Sentences 2 and 3?

  1. In the 1850s, both San Francisco and New York were bustling cities with busy seaports.
  2. In Panama in the 1850s, money in the form of gold coins was usually in great demand.
  3. Gold coins were used as money rather than saved as souvenirs in both San Francisco and New York.
  4. The trip from Panama to New York City was often the most dangerous part of the journey.
/share/clg/xml/public_release/english/2006_223_eng02.xml

Correct Answer:
D

Selected Response Item - Released in 2006

The student paragraph “Bats” requires revisions and edits. Read the paragraph. Then answer the following.

Which of these is the best way to revise Sentence 5 for clarity?

  1. Bouncing sound waves off objects, bats navigate carefully, knowing where they are going exactly.
  2. Bats know exactly where they are going, carefully navigating by bouncing sound waves off objects.
  3. Navigating and carefully bouncing sound waves off objects, bats know exactly where they are going.
  4. Bats, they know exactly where they are going, navigating by bouncing sound waves off objects carefully.
/share/clg/xml/public_release/english/2006_223_eng26.xml

Correct Answer:
B

Selected Response Item - Released in 2006

For Numbers 44 and 45, read the sentence below. Then choose the most clear and effective revision of the sentence.

Read the sentence below. Then choose the most clear and effective revision of the sentence.

Active listening skills are looking at the speaker, and it involves nodding when you understand, and it can include making notes.

  1. Looking at and nodding at the speaker when you understand and to make notes are all active listening skills.
  2. Looking at the speaker, nodding when you understand, and making notes are all active listening skills.
  3. Looking at and nodding at the speaker are active listening skills, and so is making notes when you understand.
  4. Looking at the speaker is an active listening skill and so is nodding when you understand, and it can include making notes.
/share/clg/xml/public_release/english/2006_223_eng44.xml

Correct Answer:
B

Selected Response Item - Released in 2006

Read the sentence below. Then choose the most clear and effective revision of the sentence.

Mark Twain's writing style is sophisticated and his humor is timeless, and readers find his books appealing.

  1. Readers find Mark Twain's style sophisticated, and his humor is timeless, so his books appeal to them.
  2. Readers whose style is sophisticated and whose humor is timeless find Mark Twain's books appealing.
  3. Readers find Mark Twain's books appealing because his writing style is sophisticated and his humor is timeless.
  4. Readers who find his books appealing think Mark Twain's writing is sophisticated, and they also think his humor is timeless.
/share/clg/xml/public_release/english/2006_223_eng45.xml

Correct Answer:
C

Selected Response Item - Released in 2007

The student paragraph below requires revisions and edits. Read the paragraph. Then answer Numbers 24 through 26.

This student paragraph requires revisions and edits. Read the paragraph. Then answer the following:

Which of these is the best way to revise Sentence 4 for clarity and effectiveness?

  1. After the rules are read aloud, the joust begins with a trumpet call.
  2. After the rules are read aloud as well as after a trumpet call, the joust begins.
  3. The rules are read aloud, and the joust begins as there is a loud call by the trumpet.
  4. There is a loud trumpet call, and then the joust begins after the rules are read aloud.
/share/clg/xml/public_release/english/2007_223_eng24.xml

Correct Answer:
A

Selected Response Item - Released in 2007

For Numbers 44 and 45, read the sentence in bold print. Then choose the most clear and effective revision of the sentence.

Read the sentence below. Then choose the most clear and effective revision of the sentence.

The expedition to Alaska was funded by the university and was for the purpose of measuring glaciers and was headed by a famous explorer.

  1. The purpose of funding and heading the expedition by the university and by a famous explorer was to measure glaciers in Alaska.
  2. The purpose of the expedition to Alaska, funded by the university and headed by a famous explorer, was to measure glaciers.
  3. The purpose of the expedition to measure glaciers in Alaska was to have it funded by the university and headed by a famous explorer.
  4. The purpose of funding the expedition to Alaska by the university, and heading it by a famous explorer, was for measuring glaciers.
/share/clg/xml/public_release/english/2007_223_eng44.xml

Correct Answer:
B

Selected Response Item - Released in 2007

Read the sentence below. Then choose the most clear and effective revision of the sentence.

To go to the movies and also to have pizza with my friends are both things I always look forward to.

  1. I always look forward to going to the movies and to having pizza with my friends.
  2. I always look forward to going to the movies and to have pizza with my friends.
  3. I always look forward to my friends and I going to the movies and to have pizza.
  4. I always look forward to going to the movies with my friends and also having pizza.
/share/clg/xml/public_release/english/2007_223_eng45.xml

Correct Answer:
A

Selected Response Item - Released in 2007

Terry is writing about the War of 1812 and the origin of the national anthem, “The Star-Spangled Banner.” The draft of the first part of Terry’s essay requires revisions and edits. Read the draft. Then answer Numbers 46 through 50.

Terry is writing about the War of 1812 and the origin of the national anthem, “The Star-Spangled Banner.” The draft of the first part of Terry’s essay, “Oh, Say Can You See,” requires revisions and edits. Read the draft. Then answer the following:

Terry wants to clarify the focus of his essay. Which of these sentences would be best to add after Sentence 1?

  1. The War of 1812 lasted from June 1812 to December 1814.
  2. The War of 1812 was mainly a struggle for freedom of the seas.
  3. The national anthem of the United States was born during this second conflict.
  4. This second conflict started more than 30 years after the American Revolution.
/share/clg/xml/public_release/english/2007_223_eng46.xml

Correct Answer:
C

Selected Response Item - Released in 2008

This student paragraph requires revisions and edits. Read the paragraph. Then answer the following item.

Which of these is the best way to revise Sentence 8?

  1. Franklin Roosevelt added the East Wing, which includes a movie theater and a bomb shelter.
  2. When adding the East Wing, a movie theater and a bomb shelter were built by Franklin Roosevelt.
  3. Contained within the East Wing, Franklin Roosevelt added a movie theater and a bomb shelter.
  4. Franklin Roosevelt, adding the East Wing, included a movie theater and bomb shelter there.
/share/clg/xml/public_release/english/2008_223_eng24.xml

Correct Answer:
A

Selected Response Item - Released in 2008

For Numbers 46 and 47 read the sentence in bold print. Then choose the most clear and effective revision of the sentence.

Read the sentence in bold print. Then choose the most clear and effective revision of the sentence.

Set in Baltimore, Laura Lippman’s mystery novels offer the reader interesting details about the city life as well as having suspenseful plots.

  1. Laura Lippman’s mystery novels, offering a reader interesting details about city life, are set in Baltimore as well as having suspenseful plots.
  2. Laura Lippman’s mystery novels, which are set in Baltimore, offer a reader interesting details about city life as well as suspenseful plots.
  3. Laura Lippman’s mystery novels, having suspenseful plots, offer a reader interesting details about city life, and they are set in Baltimore.
  4. Laura Lippman’s mystery novels, which offer a reader interesting details about city life, they have suspenseful plots, and they are set in Baltimore.
/share/clg/xml/public_release/english/2008_223_eng46.xml

Correct Answer:
B

Selected Response Item - Released in 2008

Read the sentence in bold print. Then choose the most clear and effective revision of the sentence.

The Mane High School Lions have won only two games, and they have their fans’ support, and opponents respect them.

  1. Although the Mane High School Lions have won only two games, they have their fans’ support and their opponents’ respect.
  2. Because they are respected by opponents and supported by fans, the Mane High School Lions, they have won only two games.
  3. Although they have fans supporting them and they have opponents respecting them, the Mane High School Lions, have won only two games.
  4. Because the Mane High School Lions have won only two games, their fans support them, as well as the respect of opponents.
/share/clg/xml/public_release/english/2008_223_eng47.xml

Correct Answer:
A
Resources for 2.2.3:
PUBLIC RELEASE ITEMS | Sample Assessment Items |